Face Concerns and Facework in Balancing Coparenting and Dating after Divorce

Author:

• Aimee Miller (University of Hartford)
  

Abstract:

Divorce is a face-threatening experience that calls to question individuals' self and relational worth. When former spouses share children with one another, they have limited opportunities to disengage from the divorce and develop individual identities separate from the spousal relationship. To help cope with the divorce, many individuals develop new dating relationships after divorce (Anderson et al., 2004). However, divorced parents must learn how to balance their new dating lives with parenting and maintaining some communication with their former spouse. Although the complexity of post-divorce communication has garnered recent research attention (Ahrons, 2007; Afifi & Schrodt, 2003; Baum, 2004; Graham, 2003), little is known about how coparents manage face threats as they navigate the challenges in balancing dating, parenting, and communicating with former spouses. By using Facework as a guiding framework and focusing on former spouses who are dating and parenting, the researcher sought to uncover face threats coparents experience and the facework strategies they employ to prevent and restore threats to face as they date and coparent. The researcher conducted 35 interviews with divorced coparents. Using Smith's (1995) process of thematic analysis, the researcher uncovered that coparents' positive face is threatened when their parenting and spousal abilities are questioned. Coparents experience negative face threats through constraints in their parenting choices and time spent with children. Coparents engage in multiple facework strategies, including avoiding talking about dating with their coparent, maintaining contact through email to alleviate potential face threats, and directly confronting one another after a face threat occurs.